Why This Song Matters: ‘River of Deceit’ by Mad Season

The Mad Season project of the mid-90s produced some of the most poignant and introspective pieces of music from the era. Perhaps one of the most powerful compositions of the decade was ‘River of Deceit’. Mike McCready’s guitar work is a suitable table-setter for the opening lyrics of the song, from Layne Staley... “My pain is self-chosen”. The grappling we do with ourselves and our own shortcomings and imperfections is one of the songwriting themes visited time and time again in the genre, with ‘River of Deceit’ speaking to that internal battle within all of us.

“My pain is self-chosen,
at least I believe it to be.
I could either drown,
or pull off my skin and swim to shore.
Now I can grow a beautiful shell for all to see.”

We are so much more complex and internally complicated than we give ourselves credit for. We are simultaneously the one person that can do the most damage to us and the one person who can do the most healing for us. Layne’s lyrics strike at the very core of that dichotomy. “I could either drown, or pull off my skin and swim to shore.” There is a choice there. He recognizes that we have it in us to choose the things within us that cause pain, or to “pull off our skin and swim to shore”...to fight to leave those demons behind. Therein lies the struggle. Sometimes we win. Sometimes we lose. But we can always fight.

We all have the freedom to choose our actions. We have the ability to create our own battles, and choose our own pain. But that means that we can create our own solutions, and make our own healing.

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